I runned fast to be better than I used to be. It is out there on the road where I find myself arguing with my thoughts. Where is the finish line?

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Snark and Aliens

Whew! It's a little dusty around here. Funny how life sweeps you up and before you know it you are eating chips and a big honking burger at the local Grill & Thrill. Then it's that little donut.

I have been caring for an alien baby, but not by choice. My surgery imploded inside or something. Not really, but it feels that way. Imagine this girl who is running and working on being in shape and getting ready for race season (well, fair weather race season anyway) and she is sporting this look of distention. It's not pretty. Supposedly, the swelling is going to go down. This is not a fat joke. Although I wish it were.

My brother is very ill and has had been diagnosed with Crohn's since he was 12 Now they are not so sure that is what it is and so whatever. But he is still extremely sick, but the toughest man I know besides my grandpa. Anyway, I asked him how he was leading up to his colon removal surgery and he said he was weak and felt like shit. "Basically, I look like one of those Ethiopian children with the big extended bellies minus the flies." Yes, he has a snarky sense of humor. God love him.

I now know what he means. However, I feel like more like Fat Bastard minus the juicy chicken legs with BBQ sauce. Do you know how many stupid people have asked me when my baby is due and I am 48 freaking years old with wrinkles? Word of advice: don't ever ask someone about their baby unless they have a frickin' shirt on that says "baby on board" otherwise you might be insulting the fat lady.

After speaking to my doctor yesterday for post-op follow up I am pleased to announce I do not have cancer. I did have a strange reaction to his words that my uterus looks great inside now. He's not even a creeper doctor, but I just can't get into organs unless it is a big, giant....ok...let's not go there. Enough about roosters.




So, the swelling will go down. I will just continue to be the runner donning the basketball. Here is a non-selfie selfie taken of me recently. And when I show people how fat I am and feel by this picture, they say, "Oh, you aren't fat. We can't see anything because you have your coat on."




That was supposed to make me feel better I guess. Well, it didn't.

(Cue the smart ass tone and high pitch) "Oh, you aren't fat, Fargo. You are disguised by a tent."  Well, who doesn't look skinny in a tent? You can see I have a fat fucking face and I know the alien uterus is under my coat.  I AM A BUBBLE HEAD! 

Ok. No need for self deprivation. Get on with it!

My next race is around St. Patty's Day. Why? Because you run for beer. Who wouldn't want to? After the race, you get a free micro brew from the local brewers. Yum. It's also that time of year that I mark my lowest pace going into race season and each additional race I gear up to beat the last one. 

Am I going to ever run a major marathon? Probably not. At least it isn't a goal right now. I have enjoyed challenging myself on the state races because they are all different. We'll see where this takes me. Right now, the mother ship is landing outside and perhaps they will take this alien basketball I call a uterus with them. 

If not, I am going to continue to use it as a cup holder or an armrest. 

What inspires you? Beating your old pace? Picture motivation? A workout partner? Get into it. Do it. I would answer all three. 

Once, I get down to my fighting weight, I'm going to get these boobs: 


Well, not these boobs exactly because they are on someone already, and I am not Buffalo Bill (it puts the lotion on...). But I'm going to get a bra with duct tape like that so mine are all up in my face and not down on the ground. I wonder what people would say if I pranced around town with my hoohah teasing a glimpse out of my sweats like that. I suppose it wouldn't matter as long as I had a six pack. Around here it could be Keystone Light. 

Day Two of super clean living and race diet. I have to say "diet" because it has the word, "die" in it. It is brutal but necessary. Although I am working my way up to marathon miles, I am not running in one. I don't think so anyway. My first goal is to get super fast on the 10K and then the half marathon. What is super fast? Well, for me...I want to keep an 8:30 pace for a 10K. 

Put your shoes on? Move around! Go get it!


Tuesday, February 2, 2016

You Got To Move It, Move It!

It has been four score and seven years ago since I have posted.

There really is no excuse. I have been keeping a food and exercise log regularly so at least all the cheese hasn't slipped off my cracker.

Additionally, I wear my fit tracker (Fitbit Flex) day and night. When I run outside, I don my Garmin Forerunner which monitors pace per mile, GPS maps my route, and time...blah, blah, blah. Anyway, those things are important to me. I shaved off 2 minutes last year off my mile time using these devices and changing my training.

What am I training for? The Boston Marathon? No. I know my limits.

I just want to look good naked!

I just want to better myself. I want to feel strong and healthy. It really makes a difference to my mental well being when I take care  of myself and exercise regularly. Even shedding pounds has been a priority not to look like JLo, (that would require me to become Latino) but for me. It's all about me.

When the weight comes off, I find myself trying to achieve the "chiseled" look. It is a goal in a far, far away land. It requires a lot of time and dedication not only to cardio but to strength training and weight lifting. I have never been one to look like this on a regular basis:

But, I did reach a fitness milestone when I was 43 and kept it until about 45 where I was toned and had a great physical fitness level.  At 46,  my medical problems overtook my brain and my mental toughness waned. I became lost in a rut, feeling pain all day long and the inability to do simple fitness workouts were torture on my neck and shoulder. Whodathunk I had a broken neck? I didn't know until it healed wrong. I try to think back to why I didn't know and how could I not have known. It is frustrating. Over time, I got adjusted to the pain, but I could not lift things around the house, or accomplish any running for longer than 15 minutes without feeling a lot of pain to the point that I just didn't do it. It took everything I had to keep up the house and yard. I can't understand how I lived like that. Later, my uterus decided to be angry and create another medical issue, but I only let that go on a couple months.

I am so glad all of that is over. Sometimes getting old is a bitch. I really took things for granted up until now.

Faithfully I am doing traction and physical therapy exercises every day along with my running and strength training; I feel like a new person. I can't lift heavy weights again, nor attend martial arts classes, but I can modify things to push myself. Now I know what the problems are and I can recognize when I need to go back to the doctor. I am sure someday I my neck will require surgery but I will work to keep strong to avoid that for as long as I can.

I really believe you can shape your body any way you wish. It just depends how much time and effort you want to dedicate to it and do I want it to run my life? No. It is a priority, however. You will see me being active in outdoor activities rather than spending 8 hours a day in a gym. I spend 5 days a week for a dedicated workout and the rest of my fitness is fun. It's not really intentional fitness. It's just how I live my life. I like the outdoors.

I recently bought something to spark my attitude and humor. It was just a shirt. Cost me $22.00 but it showcases my humor, it is soft, and I like it. I also bought Under Armor running socks for way cheap on sale and so it put a little pep in my step. It's the little things. Sometimes it's an apple, sometimes it's a beer. Today it was a shirt and some socks.
Me thinks I have a great sense of humor!
We all have those days of dread where we don't want to actually go to the gym or get up and do that workout. I constantly have to remind myself that I have never left the gym angry or regretting that I got out on that road and ran. Even if it ended up being a day of wogging, I felt good. It's a constant struggle.

Sometimes I eat cake, just not all of it.

I know at this age what it takes to be fit and get to my goal is like dangling a Cadbury Creme egg 30 feet away instead of 3. It takes more to get where I want to. As I approach 50, I get inspired by women my age or older who are what I would call super fit. Although I know I will not achieve that status unless it consumes me, I do admire their dedication and they motivate me to keep going.

Ultimately, you need to do what makes you happy. But just keep moving so you can enjoy things later in life. Don't be sedentary. You don't have to be an Olympian athlete or embark on some impossible workout routine. Baby steps.


You might blow this off and say, "I am so sick of people saying I should move or exercise. I don't want hear about it anymore! I am lazy! I like me! I just want to eat what I want and I don't like to exercise." That's not what I am saying. That's Ok. As long as you are happy with yourself, that is all that matters. My issues are not body image, although I am very judgy about myself in front of a mirror. My issues are health, energy, and activity. I like to be active! I like to play and run and throw the ball, water ski, kayak, fish, etc. I know what it's like to be stifled by medical issues and stuck. It's like The Man. I am not going to let The Man gets me down. It's different when it's your choice rather than something out of your control.

Goll, Fargo, you are so full of shit. Maybe I am. It's working for me, tho.

So what? So what can I do on day one of I don't want to do anything? Just take a walk. Give yourself time to meditate or relax alone just for a few minutes each day. Sit at the kitchen table. Make it a morning ritual. Get your mind right. Have a happy spirit. Those are the things that are important.