I runned fast to be better than I used to be. It is out there on the road where I find myself arguing with my thoughts. Where is the finish line?

Monday, January 4, 2016

In The Beginning

OMG, Fargo, you have so many blogs. Can't you focus? Why are you starting up another venue for your snarky blurbs? You on crack? You are sick. Go see a shrink. They have something for that. Fargo has veered off into left field. Let's not get too crazy.

This is for me, I said.

Don't we all want to look like a fitness model? Is it achievable? Yes. BUT IT AIN'T EASY, SISTER. Have I ever looked like one?NO WAY. Duh. Does exercise bore a lot of people? Yep. It's not for everyone, especially running. Many hate it. It's a chore. It's hard. I can't get motivated. It's all there inside me too. BUT- This is what I can do and therefore I does.

But first...some inspiration...

This is how I work out. I like to get my sex on.
Really, people? So realistic.

I must keep myself accountable and if it is in the public eye, I can't go wrong, right? I have good intentions. There are expectations from having an audience. For example, you really don't want to fuck up.

While this fitness journey might be boring to most, I hope it keeps me on track. You might even choose to ignore me or roll your eyes at yet another ho-hum fitness blog.

But what if it doesn't? What if it is the greatest joy of your day and I made you smile? It might even entertain. Maybe you can relate. I'm a goober. Good grief, there is so much to see on the road...so much to feel...so many excruciating moments. Why keep them to myself?

How many of you know that during running races, there often are no potty chairs and runners sometimes pee their pants? It's warm going down and cold in the drying process with a big yuck feeling in the hoochie coochie. NOT to mention chafing!

Wait. Wait. I know. Have you experienced an extreme WTF moment where you are in thoughtful bliss... in your groove...only to encounter a skunk on your trail with no where to go? Have corn fields served as Porta Potties for you? Or do you run under the cloak of darkness because you are having a fat day and by golly-NO ONE, I mean NO ONE-can see you? What about those tantrums where you are screaming at God in the middle of the country road looking like a psychotic fool? Or the injuries? Oy. The injuries. It is not for the faint nor whiny weenies who say they can't or won't because running comes in all forms, shapes, and sizes. Even cripples run or walk so fast they keep up with my speed.

There are so many ultimate positives to getting your running jam on...

1) Did you know running increases your sex drive? Oh yeah. Endorphins increase. This is not a species of marine mammals. These are an analgesic group of brain secretors which have an opiate effect on your jizz whiz.

2) You can become a skinny bitch.

3) You can do it until you are a hunerd and one.

4) You can talk about it like CrossFit junkies and drive your friends who don't run crazy or just plain run them out of your life.

5) My doctor said I can reverse bad medicine. I'm sure she didn't mean that I was an addict of some sorts, but, well...you know. She's from India. There is a translation problem. Sorry, Doc. Love ya!

Running is where I find myself. NOT that I am lost, but it is where I think and work out problems, curse at my faults, mistakes, and try to find workable solutions. Really, if I hadn't been running, none of the world's problems would be solved. Oh, wait. The world is a mess. Well, you know what I mean. It's an individual and a team sport at the same time. The first race up is St. Patty's Day.

Wish me luck!

But first, I must have surgery. I'm so glad I have an iron crotch. I hope. Vaginas can take a pounding. I expect to be back to work the next day!
This is what the inside of my uterus feels like right now.

In the meantime, if you want to join me, I would love that and any comments including ones to tell me to shut the fuck up are welcomed here.

This place is open to the world. You can let it all hang out...except your vagina. It's not that kind of site. 

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